Story Telling For You - Chapter Three

Thinking back to those days about
the cold, the relationships that I had
today, that were formed,
some of them, back then,
seemed; solid somehow?
Jeff and I went through a frozen
sort of Hell and a hotter than hell
sort of desert, to be here.
Until I met Gene, then; oddly, her life took over
my life, it was not like anything I'd ever experienced,
but, over the years; my relationship with Jeff, who
got out of the Army after Desert Storm; where
as the Battalion Sergeant's Major, he had won
several commendations; not that they mattered to him,
Jeff was into leading men, and even today, that was
what made Jeff so important to me.  So when Gene
had blown into my life, she had completely taken
me by storm; so much so that my oldest buddy
from the Army, even, had to comment about how
much time I'd spent with her, rather than him?  But
in those days, nearly a decade ago, she had overwhelmed
me with a personality and style like nothing I'd ever
known, and her smile disarmed even my foulest moods.
Gene had appeared to be the answer to every doubt
I'd ever had about life.

We'd been thinking, together, she and I, for some time, but
her thinking and my thinking they weren't the same;
ever have that happen?  Ever think you know what
she means, and you don't?  For women, if I understand
what my friend says, it's about the same, they think
that men say one thing and mean another- is that
how men are, and women are, so there must not
be a whole lot of understanding going on?  We'd
been thinking, together, which was often not the
best of ways to handle things.

So I made a very simple statement to her; "if I
needed your help, would you give it to me."  I
didn't mean anything by it, I wasn't doing any
sexy double entendre', I only wanted to know
if we had something going down if she'd help?
"Would I give it to you?  Well of course I'd
give it to you, I've been trying to give it to you
for a while now, you act like you could care less?"

That's not true, it wasn't an act, I wasn't really
all that much into her that way; she was getting
older, the lines in her face more pronounced,
the hanging leftovers of arms which used to
be stronger and more attractive, were beginning
to sag even more.  She was still pretty, but
she'd moved from an object of desire to a
person but one with not as much desire.  I know,
it's crass; I know it sucks; I know, but it's the
truth; what do you want me to do, lie? I said;
"why do you have to turn every remark I make
into a physical deal?  Seriously, is that all
you have on your mind."
"I'm not a slut,"
"Did I say you were a slut?"
"You make it sound as if I am."
"Where you get that..."
"Because the way you say it, I'm always
bringing up physical with you and you
aren't even into that?  Which, by the way,
would make me a women who likes sex-
and sometimes, women who like sex
are called, and perceived as, sluts.  That
what you were thinking, that I must be easy?"
"You can't be serious?"  What would you
have said?  I was in a bit of a hole in this
conversation, with no easy way out, apparently?
"Yes," her eyes danced, lit up, and her smile,
oh that smile- it was like nobody else's anywhere-
"I was serious about wanting you to want me-
you used to; what happened?" She was intense.
"How about you quit caring - what was I
supposed to do?"  I could be intense too!
"How about, keep caring?"  "Yeah," I thought,
"like an idiot being fed small doses of poison?"
But I didn't dare say that did I, so I uttered;
"Look I tried, I tried to call, you told me
not to; I tried to even text you and you told
me you were too busy?  So what can I say,
when Cynthia came on to me, what was I
supposed to do; she's prettier than Laura,
you remember Laura,"
"Yes, my lord, who can forget her, the lady
who has an orgasm from a massage," Her
eyes were showing a touch of something,
was it jealousy?  I wasn't trying to make
her feel anything, so if it was, it was on her.
"Ok I was due that, but she did, and I
couldn't do a thing about that, it was
after all, just a massage, what was I
supposed to do?"
"You could give me a massage?"
See what I mean- this conversation wasn't
going the way I needed it to go.  Ever
have that happen to you?

Jeff didn't know about these conversations,
he didn't know about the feedback, but
he did know from me, where things stood.
"And somehow you figure that's going to
get her back?"  Jeff wasn't being cynical.
"Jeff you know, I'm not sure that's where
I am going, she's still someone that I'd
do anything for.  That's a huge problem
in our business."
"Do tell."
"So you think I'm being silly?"
"Would you listen if I said you were being
less than manly about this?"
"I might?"
"You ought to turn her completely and
totally loose, go with Laura, or Cynthia-
they are really turned on by you, and they
care about you, look Chuck, Gene don't
call, she don't care, apparently that hasn't
registered with you yet, you're still trying
to cut her in on a fortune, and of course,
I'd love to know why?"
"Jeff, ..., I can't stop it, this is ten years now,
and I love her- I don't want to, but there it
is, I love her."
"Figured that was it."