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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Story Telling For You - Chapter Four

Normal people live on the edge
of the madness that is exceptional;
and it can be good or evil,
but exceptional is always,
not normal.  As Jeff discovered
about his lifelong friend Chuck,
normal meant nothing to him.
"That's got to be the biggest crock I've ever heard."
"Why," Chuck asked, mildly, "because it doesn't
fit some presumption about how we're supposed
to live?"
"C'mon man, be real, there is no honor in what
you are talking about."
"But," Chuck smiled a bit, "there is a lot of
money, and isn't that just as well?"
Jeff had to admit, it made him think, he didn't
like it, but, it made him think.

Gene wasn't like Jeff, she wasn't like anyone
that Chuck had ever known, no two people
are the same, but they are in so many ways
similar; until, like Chuck, you crossed the
line; then suddenly, people like Gene became
so much more than precious.
"Chuck you've said some strange things before
but this one, I just don't know what to..."
"Gene I know how you feel..."
"Don't think so..."
"No I do know a bit of how you feel,
look, do you think I dreamed this up and
it was just all rosy?"
"Didn't say that..."
"But you must've been thinkin' it?"
Actually Gene was thinking, "he's lost
his fool head, and he thinks I'm supposed
to lose mine with him, it's nuts."  But
she didn't want to say that, so instead she
said; "Chuck let's try to look at this in a
sensible way.  You aren't a thief, and you
have no idea what to do with a lot of
money, you've never had it."
"That's for a reason you know..."
"Oh here we go," Gene had heard this
tale many times, "is it going to be that
you've never had an even chance to do
what others have?"
"Didn't say that..."  Chuck could feel
his jaw muscles tighten.
"Well is it going to be the no father tale?"
Chuck felt hot, flushed.
"You know,"  she continued, "that's almost
buy able.
"Is it indeed?"  It wasn't going to do him any
good to argue with her, it was obvious she'd
missed the main point entirely.
"Nobody has tried harder to become a success
than you Chuck, we've all watched you try
stuff, but nothing works, is it possible that
your lot in life is to just be normal?"
"I can't accept that, and this, well, it didn't
come to me out of the blue, it was worked
up to; I think that Cody knew exactly what
he was doin'"
"From what I've heard about Cody, that would
make sense, word out is that he's a flake."
"Nobody calls anybody a flake anymore..."
"Well you got me, maybe they didn't say
flake?"
"They?"

Gene had overheard the conversation more
than heard it, before she'd invited herself
into it, at the local Mom and Pops.
The tall guy said, "it's not that easy, if it was
it would happen all the time."
The shorter guy without the blonde hair
wasn't responding the way the tall guy
wanted him to, and the tall guys body
language gave that away, "and you think
you'd hear about it, they keep that stuff
super quiet man, c'mon. You talkin' about
the Casina's" (short guy lopped his o on
the name Casino- maybe he was from the
south?)
Tall guy wasn't amused at the going gray
shorter guys remark, "yeah I know that,
I ain' stupit you know."  Tall guy clipped
his d's which was a dead give away to
being from somewhere besides the south.
He continued, which is where Gene's ears
perked up; "but if we was gonna try such,"
the smaller dark headed guy, Cody, got
steely eyed, Gene could see it, "would you
please cool it, quiet."
"Oh, yeah, sorry man..."
Then they left, but not before Gene had
seen his black truck, Ram charger, older
model, image of some cartoon character
peeing on something in the back window,
license JUT453; she was going to have to
find out what that whole conversation
was about, and that, would be Gene's fun
for the next few days.

Gene tried to find out without anyone being
aware of it, who owned that truck, she found
Cody, she found an address, well, she didn't
find it, her friend on the force did; which was
sort of, how friends helped friends in the south.
The address turned out to be one which was
lived at some months back, the current lady
said she'd heard they'd moved over onto a
country road 167.  Said she'd know it was the
right place if she seen a black BMW rag top
and about seven other cars, said they called
it Cody's lot, because he took cars and worked
on them when he wasn't playing oil field trash.
Gene thought, "good info to have." That was
Thursday, Friday was going to bring much
in the way of understanding what it was that
Gene had walked into, which meant that
Chuck had walked into it, which meant that
some was probably going to get on Jeff as
well, no sense trying to hid what the wind
can do when it gets spinning.


Thursday, August 18, 2011

Story Telling For You - Chapter Three

Thinking back to those days about
the cold, the relationships that I had
today, that were formed,
some of them, back then,
seemed; solid somehow?
Jeff and I went through a frozen
sort of Hell and a hotter than hell
sort of desert, to be here.
Until I met Gene, then; oddly, her life took over
my life, it was not like anything I'd ever experienced,
but, over the years; my relationship with Jeff, who
got out of the Army after Desert Storm; where
as the Battalion Sergeant's Major, he had won
several commendations; not that they mattered to him,
Jeff was into leading men, and even today, that was
what made Jeff so important to me.  So when Gene
had blown into my life, she had completely taken
me by storm; so much so that my oldest buddy
from the Army, even, had to comment about how
much time I'd spent with her, rather than him?  But
in those days, nearly a decade ago, she had overwhelmed
me with a personality and style like nothing I'd ever
known, and her smile disarmed even my foulest moods.
Gene had appeared to be the answer to every doubt
I'd ever had about life.

We'd been thinking, together, she and I, for some time, but
her thinking and my thinking they weren't the same;
ever have that happen?  Ever think you know what
she means, and you don't?  For women, if I understand
what my friend says, it's about the same, they think
that men say one thing and mean another- is that
how men are, and women are, so there must not
be a whole lot of understanding going on?  We'd
been thinking, together, which was often not the
best of ways to handle things.

So I made a very simple statement to her; "if I
needed your help, would you give it to me."  I
didn't mean anything by it, I wasn't doing any
sexy double entendre', I only wanted to know
if we had something going down if she'd help?
"Would I give it to you?  Well of course I'd
give it to you, I've been trying to give it to you
for a while now, you act like you could care less?"

That's not true, it wasn't an act, I wasn't really
all that much into her that way; she was getting
older, the lines in her face more pronounced,
the hanging leftovers of arms which used to
be stronger and more attractive, were beginning
to sag even more.  She was still pretty, but
she'd moved from an object of desire to a
person but one with not as much desire.  I know,
it's crass; I know it sucks; I know, but it's the
truth; what do you want me to do, lie? I said;
"why do you have to turn every remark I make
into a physical deal?  Seriously, is that all
you have on your mind."
"I'm not a slut,"
"Did I say you were a slut?"
"You make it sound as if I am."
"Where you get that..."
"Because the way you say it, I'm always
bringing up physical with you and you
aren't even into that?  Which, by the way,
would make me a women who likes sex-
and sometimes, women who like sex
are called, and perceived as, sluts.  That
what you were thinking, that I must be easy?"
"You can't be serious?"  What would you
have said?  I was in a bit of a hole in this
conversation, with no easy way out, apparently?
"Yes," her eyes danced, lit up, and her smile,
oh that smile- it was like nobody else's anywhere-
"I was serious about wanting you to want me-
you used to; what happened?" She was intense.
"How about you quit caring - what was I
supposed to do?"  I could be intense too!
"How about, keep caring?"  "Yeah," I thought,
"like an idiot being fed small doses of poison?"
But I didn't dare say that did I, so I uttered;
"Look I tried, I tried to call, you told me
not to; I tried to even text you and you told
me you were too busy?  So what can I say,
when Cynthia came on to me, what was I
supposed to do; she's prettier than Laura,
you remember Laura,"
"Yes, my lord, who can forget her, the lady
who has an orgasm from a massage," Her
eyes were showing a touch of something,
was it jealousy?  I wasn't trying to make
her feel anything, so if it was, it was on her.
"Ok I was due that, but she did, and I
couldn't do a thing about that, it was
after all, just a massage, what was I
supposed to do?"
"You could give me a massage?"
See what I mean- this conversation wasn't
going the way I needed it to go.  Ever
have that happen to you?

Jeff didn't know about these conversations,
he didn't know about the feedback, but
he did know from me, where things stood.
"And somehow you figure that's going to
get her back?"  Jeff wasn't being cynical.
"Jeff you know, I'm not sure that's where
I am going, she's still someone that I'd
do anything for.  That's a huge problem
in our business."
"Do tell."
"So you think I'm being silly?"
"Would you listen if I said you were being
less than manly about this?"
"I might?"
"You ought to turn her completely and
totally loose, go with Laura, or Cynthia-
they are really turned on by you, and they
care about you, look Chuck, Gene don't
call, she don't care, apparently that hasn't
registered with you yet, you're still trying
to cut her in on a fortune, and of course,
I'd love to know why?"
"Jeff, ..., I can't stop it, this is ten years now,
and I love her- I don't want to, but there it
is, I love her."
"Figured that was it."



Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Story Telling For You - Chapter Two

Sometimes you find yourself wondering 
why things go the way that they do; 
and often, you realize that
they had to go that way.  But that’s
looking back when you are in the 
midst of it, you aren’t able
to look back, yet.

“Tell you something else Chuck,”
between the cold and smadge being pissed the
whole day was turning ugly and it wasn’t five A.M.,
so my sense of listening increased.
“Smadge, it goes like it goes…”  Hey that was
intellectual wasn’t it?
“These folks leading this mess don’t have a plan.
If they had a plan we’d know what we’re supposed
to be doing, but we don’t.”  He said it from that
base of experience that lets you know he knew.
“Sure, that makes sense, only we have to try
and do what we can to get the platoon ready.”
“Now see chuck, that’s why I got you on staff
you get it.  What we need to be doing right now
is getting our guys and gals ready to go and
fight another skirmish.  Only those folks runnin’
this mess aren’t capable of diggin’ their heads
out long enough to give us a word about how that
is going to go.”  I could hear his blood pressure
rising and his temper coming up.
It wasn’t going to be long and smadge would
be talking about what people with no morals
would do someones mom, and I really didn’t
like that conversation, so I tried, all the time
to keep him just below the threshold.  Don’t
know if you have a situation like that?

When she smiled at me it melted my day, and
there wasn’t a thing I could do about it, maybe
in my mind those times in the past flooded into the
present and left a mark on it, whether I liked it or
not, it was there and apparently there was no
escaping it.  The past had a power that could
not be cured, folks talked about curing it, but
a past is a past, and it isn’t about being cured,
it is about coming to peace with it, somehow
getting that past to lay to rest in your present.
Every time she smiled at me, that was over.

Why do some people cause a turmoil in your
soul?  My friend would say that it is because you
choose to let them have that power over you,
I’m not so certain that is the case; I’m not so
certain you don’t get that choice, but when it
comes it doesn’t look like a choice, it looks like
anything else.  When she smiled it was to everyone
a smile, it was to me; a power in my life that I
neither wanted nor needed, and yet, there
it was.  According to Hindu beliefs there are
hungry ghosts which can consume you.  While
anyone not being a Hindu, not believing in ghosts,
might raise their eyebrows on that one; when she
smiles, I hear a rustling of the winds of ghosts,
they come to consume my desires and turn my
path from where it could go to somewhere else.

Maybe that’s why the past kept coming back?
“Well finally, took ‘em long enough,”
We were told to fall out, which meant to get into
a formation outside the barracks.  This was it,
we were in the cold again.  Germany is a beautiful
country, but the cold, there isn’t any way to make
that go away, nor to forget how it moves through
all that cold weather gear, right into your bones.
“Smadge is this it?”  I wasn’t afraid, just wanting
to know.
“Who knows with this bunch of sock grabbers…”

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Story Telling For You - Chapter One

When somebody says something odd, well, sometimes it
goes right past you; ever have that happen?  You hear it,
but you don't really hear it, so you have to say:
"What was that, oh, I'm sorry, I was lost in something and
didn't catch it, what did you say?"  Because she knew
that it was something she wanted to hear, because I
was responding to her bizarre remark.  When she said
that odd thing, right then I'd wondered, "why, why
bother them with what they don't need to know?"  She'd
said that she'd had to tell her reasons for why she
wasn't feeling well and just hope that she wouldn't
be thought unkindly for what she'd done?  My thought
was, "yes but you could just keep your mouth shut?
People get sick all the time, they don't give a run down
of who's hand they shook that sneezed so they caught
the cold, do they?"  Yes I realized, that was a bit plastic,
but lately she'd been such a nuisance that it just amazed
me that she felt she had to vent her Spleen in public
and then expect folks to be accepting of the bile?

Now I can think it, just like you, think it, but that
doesn't mean we can say it, does it?  So instead my
mouth uttered, "well after all, that was the honest
thing to do."  But inside my heart was amazed at
the foolish choice she'd made.  Of course some
would say that was courageous; but in my mind,
sometimes not saying something can be a lot more
courageous that saying it...

It was cold out that night; I remembered the cold
because it was the European cold, and the European,
German, cold, is very cold; it gets down into your
bones, quick.  We'd been hassled and messed with
and called out to stand at attention in ranks, only
to be told it wasn't going to happen, until every
nerve in us was frayed.  Every person in the platoon
was fed up with the in and out, and then out again,
and then in again, hot; cold, hot and then cold,
and then hot again- it was a nuisance.  "If they're
gonna send us, why the hell don't they do it
and quit playin' with us like little tin soldiers."
Dan had his way of saying things, I just listened,
because when Dan was uptight, as he was now,
it was smarter to listen, and even sometimes grunt.
"Tell you one thing, if they think they can keep
getting the smadge (pronounced as a slurred and
shortened Sergeant's Major) in and out and
in and out and in again, they're dreaming in a
mud puddle they'll drown in by God!"  He wasn't
enjoying himself, and who could blame him,
it was three in the morning, it was cold, bone
cold, and we'd been up since dawn being told
we'd be next to go.  That was when big Dan,
because he was a ferocious fighting giant
of a man,  said that odd thing?
"Chuck you speak some Latin don't you?"

"Latin," I thought," at three in the morning?"
But what I ended up saying was, "Yes
Seargeant's Major, I do, speak; some;"
"Hey come on, Chuck, what've I told ya,
when we're by ourselves, you can knock
off the formal, O.K.?"
"It's just easier for me, Dan, to just keep it
all the same, talk wise, you know I know
that we're friends to the core."
"Well anyway, Chuck, Latin you see is this
strange language to me, language you know
has a lot to do with how well a nation does,
did you know that?"
"I'd actually heard something like that as
a theory once, yes..."
"Turns out if folks speak your language because
it's easy to use, they'll likely come around to
your way of thinking, language tends to carry
the power of thought with it, and culture..."
"Yes sergeant's major, and?"
"And Rome, well, they conquered so much of
the world, and yet, the countries they conquered
were slow to adopt their language, and in fact,
Rome wasn't respected, and their language may
have been tied to that?"
"Interesting seargeant's major but what are
you really saying?"
"I'm sayin' that they had a saying, "Tenet
Nosce" know what it means?"
"Uhm, let me see, nosce means to
get to know doesn't it?"
"That's right,"
"and tenet is occupancy, so, get to
know your occupancy, oh, that's it,
know yourself?"
"There you go, another way of saying
be true to yourself."
"And your point..."
"We aren't anymore.  You know that lady
I was seeing in the town?"
"The pretty dark haired lady?"
"None other, know what she did?"
"No but you are going to tell me, aren't you?"
"She tells me that she's so busy that she can't
talk to me.  I'm thinking, that's odd, so I am
talking with one of her friends, who says that
she gets calls from some guy who isn't my
name, all the time; and she giggles like a little
school girl with him.  Well you can imagine
how I took that?"
"You were probably pretty pissed?"
"No I wasn't pissed, I was hurt actually, here
I thought she and I really had something; that
she really cared, and then she goes and does
something like this, seems dishonest to me,
doesn't it to you?"
"Dishonesty and lying are something we
tend to do sergeant's major."
"But not to people you care about- why didn't
she just come out and tell me the truth?'

I snapped back to the present, realizing that
my former girlfriend had said the very same
words to me, and they'd had the same effect.
I realized Dan meant a lot to me, because the
experiences are precious, but it is also the
meaning of what happens when your heart
gets ripped up, when people who shouldn't
lie, and when those lies are even for so called
"good reason," how those lies still cut to the
bone when you discover the truth and they
can no longer hide behind the convenience
of the lie that they thought they could put over
on you.  Such is life, as the French have said,
"as in love, so in war"?

Do you suppose that is why Dan's
moment came into my mind as
she finished telling me that she was just too
busy to take my calls?  Then when I saw her
with her "Bo" and she had that " oh crap,"
look on her face, well, do you suppose
that what Dan said that night, made an impression
upon my heart, that came ringing into the
present to save it from breaking?  Do you suppose
that sometimes the past that we created
can burst truth into the present to save our
hearts from drying up and dying midst all
the present pain?  I'm asking because sometimes
it seems to me, we could just keep our mouths
shut, and avoid a lot of pain?  Made me wonder
how many times in the world lies are told
to cover up behavior that is not only dishonest
but, against the grander feeling of truth and
love?  Since love is a verb, doing for the other
person, and since, obviously, she no longer
felt like that was what she wanted to do,
why go through all the elaborate lies, when
a simple dose of;  "we're not what I want
and I should never have lied to you about
loving you," would have been best for all?
My theory on this may not suit you, but
have you ever wondered...

Story Telling For You

The somebody special, you have them, the ones who make you
smile, make your life worth living, make you know that there
is more; because there is, we just sometimes, don't realize it.
"Oh that's easy for you to say, you don't hurt like me..."
I'd known Dan for years, at least it seemed like that, and
his way of saying things, well, it was neat- I liked Dan.
"Oh Dan, you always have a new pain somewhere,"
"not like this one; I'm tellin' you, it hurst clean down
to the bone."  That's just how they say it, and in the
South, we know what that bone is, don't we?

But my somebody special has no idea that they are; you see, that
would wreck the fun, and because they don't know;
well, they can't hardly do much about it.  Think about
what Dan would fuss about, if he couldn't fuss on
account of, he didn't know what to fuss about?  That's
how it is with my somebody, oh, they try their very
hardest to be just as rude and crude as they can.  They
even refuse to speak to me, imagine such; not being
even spoken to?  Yet, in some odd and unspoken way,
that makes them all the more lovely; all the more special;
even though, as time passes; we no longer know one
another, you see, if Dan couldn't fuss about his pain,
because he didn't know it, eventually what would he
call it; eventually I'll call my someone special, someone
who was, and that's very, very, sad.

So the day was bright, very bright; and it was already
hot- that's a sort of hot which hits you before the sun
is even good and up in the sky, know that sort of hot?
"Never seen it so hot,"  and she meant it.
"I think you're right, it seems like it is getting hotter
than it used to be?"
"You don't say," she was being coy for some reason;
"I do say, and what's more, its not just that it's hot,
it's that it is so hot, much hotter than it's been.  It's
not just that we have storms, don't you know, its
that they are so much more intense."
"Now that's what we call being scientific; want some
more coffee?"
I did, but I couldn't stay, after all, we all have things
that we have to do, don't we?  It was then that she
said this odd thing...